A. Mi tristas
B. Mi ?
What should B. say? I like the idea of saying "mi kompatas vin", however I am hesitant to say this because I am worried that this might have similar connotations to the English sentence "I pity you" which can sound degrading. Does "kompati" mean this, or can it just mean "I have empathy for you"? If kompati does mean pity, what is a better way to say this? I don't think that "mi bedauxras" would work, because "bedauxri" means "to regret", right?
El PIV kompati: ★kompat/i (tr) Senti kortuŝon pro ies malfeliĉo k deziron ĝin malakrigi.
Do mi kompatas vin signifas ke vi sentas kortuŝon pro la malfeliĉo de la alia, ke la alia persono, fakte la situacio kiun ĝi travivas, estigas en vi tiun kortuŝon kaj emon mildigi.
Tamen rideto de kompato povas esti ankaŭ mokeca:
El Esenco kaj estonteco de la ideo de lingvo internacia" Zamenhof 1907 (tekstaro.com):
Simile al tio, kiel ni kun rideto de kompato rilatas al tiu el niaj pra-praavoj,[...]– tiel niaj posteuloj mokados tiujn samtempulojn
Se via lingva sento (eble influita de viaj aliaj lingvoj) emigas vin eviti transitivan verbon (ankaŭ mi kutime evitus mi kompatas vin), vi havas alternativojn.
Vi povas esprimi la signifon per aliaj radikoj, en kiu la persono ne estas objekto rekta de la ago. Laŭ mi tio metas vin iel samnivelen: simpatii (kun vi), kunsenti (kun vi), bedaŭri (ion), ...
Aŭ uzi radikojn interjekciece: kompatinda! kia bedaŭro!
Cetere, mi bedaŭras (tion) estas ankaŭ trafa, almenaŭ en ĉiutaga parolado.
As far as I can tell, kompati doesn't have the additional degrading (and/or mocking) meaning that (to) pity often has.
ReVo lists the following translations to English:
One can easily recognize that compassion and kompati have the same root (ethymologically, not regarding Esperanto's radikoj concept for word stems) and I feel like the respective translations capture the meaning of kompati much better than those with pity. I'd say the most generic translation of kompati <personon> is (to) feel sorry <for someone>, but mostly without the paternal looking-down-on nuance that also feel sorry can sometimes carry.
What should B. say?
What would they say in English?
While kompati might not be as degrading as (to) pity, "Mi kompatas vin." still to me doesn't feel like something one would reply to someone expressing sadness in everyday conversation, just like one doesn't usually say "I feel sorry for you." unless the person suffered a severe loss, such as death of a loved one. Saying it directly to the sad person in less severe situations feels a bit too declamatory/solemn (German "pathetisch", which isn't quite the same as English "pathetic") to me.
Saying it about someone to someone else is quite natural, though: "Mi kompatas ŝin." — "I feel sorry for her." / "I feel with her."
I don't think that "mi bedauxras" would work, because "bedauxri" means "to regret", right?
bedaŭri (PIV, ReVo) in fact has a wider meaning and can be (and often is) used for things that aren't the subject's fault. "Mi bedaŭras." or "Mi bedaŭras tion." can be used for both, apologizing and to express compassion (also for malice not caused by the subject) in a more casual way than "kompati". It probably comes from the German verb "bedauern".
There seems to be in fact a (AFAIK less common) verb to express only regret: penti (PIV, ReVo)
kompat-.